The projectile vomiting went as well as could reasonably have been expected. 10 out of 10 for force and volume. Maybe only 7 out of 10 for accuracy but at least I missed the swimming pool. Throwing up in the pool of a cruise ship at sea is very, very, unlucky, particularly for the junior engineering staff and anyone who wants a swim for the next 2 or 3 days.
I've looked hard for the cause of the problem. I have eliminated the 3 large meals, the pints of beer and the bottle of wine I consumed during the day. I think the culprit was the canapes that are delivered each evening to our cabin for a pre-dinner snack - some of them smelt a bit fishy.
I accuse the butler, in the cabin, with the caviar - probably.
Dave C
Friday, August 22, 2008
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
A Letter of Complaint
As I blogged earlier, we have a superb balcony - but the seating leaves a bit to be desired. We asked for loungers but were told that the ones onboard did not meet the fire regulations for balcony furniture. It's not really been a problem. I worked out how to make a lounger from the comfy chair in the cabin, a towel, a cushion, two pillows and a length of balcony rail. I've made a drawing for the next occupant but it looks like an illustration from the advanced section of the Kama Sutra so I'll probably throw it away.
I've not got enough material for two loungers but as Janet's sunbathing tends to follow the - I've got my cossy and lotion on - I'll just sit down - God it's hot - I think I'll go inside - pattern, that's not really been a problem either. Nevertheless I intend to write a letter of complaint something along the lines of -
Dear Fred,
I am writing to complain about the chairs on your otherwise superb balcony to cabin 8010 on the Braemar.
I am aware that balconies serve many different functions. For example, they stop you falling a hundred feet to your death when you walk through the patio door. They give your wife somewhere to dry her underwear, although you have to be careful not to send the wrong signal to passing ships. Balcony rails are ideal for leaning nonchantly against when sailing in or out of ports. This is best enjoyed in full view of the inside cabin people as they fight for a foot of rail on the public decks. However, surely you must agree that, above all, balconies on cruise ships are for sitting privately and comfortably in the sun and watching the world bob by. Could you therefore please explain why you have chosen balcony furniture with the comfort characteristics of an Iron Maiden.
I am aware of the fire a few years ago on a cruise ship balcony that caused the Health & Safety Gestapo to salivate over yet more regulations. However, despite their best efforts, it is still not necessary to station a fireman, with his hose in his hand, next to every comfortable seat. You can now buy adjustable hardwood loungers with self-extinguishing grade covers. Obviously these days you need to get the hardwood from a sustainable source like B&Q.
Instead of extending the ship by 30 metres you should have extended it by 29.95 metres and spent the other two inches on some decent seats. It's obviously too late for this and if you're strapped for cash I have a suggestion.
Why not have sun-loungers paid for by donation with little brass plaques to commemorate passengers who have gone to that great cruise ship in the sky. Looking at the average age on this ship it will not be long before the loungers are over subscribed. Relatives will book holidays to see the plaques and can be encouraged to leave flowers which would be another commercial opportunity. The loungers are much less likely to be vandalised by meths drinking tramps than commemorative park benches, particularly if you restrict their use to Deck 8.
I hope that you will view this letter, together with my previous one on how to unblock and clean your toilet drainage system, as a genuine attempt to help you to improve your service. Coincidentally, my letter on drainage does suggest future career opportunities for your furniture procurement team.
Yours sincerely
D.A.C.
I've not got enough material for two loungers but as Janet's sunbathing tends to follow the - I've got my cossy and lotion on - I'll just sit down - God it's hot - I think I'll go inside - pattern, that's not really been a problem either. Nevertheless I intend to write a letter of complaint something along the lines of -
Dear Fred,
I am writing to complain about the chairs on your otherwise superb balcony to cabin 8010 on the Braemar.
I am aware that balconies serve many different functions. For example, they stop you falling a hundred feet to your death when you walk through the patio door. They give your wife somewhere to dry her underwear, although you have to be careful not to send the wrong signal to passing ships. Balcony rails are ideal for leaning nonchantly against when sailing in or out of ports. This is best enjoyed in full view of the inside cabin people as they fight for a foot of rail on the public decks. However, surely you must agree that, above all, balconies on cruise ships are for sitting privately and comfortably in the sun and watching the world bob by. Could you therefore please explain why you have chosen balcony furniture with the comfort characteristics of an Iron Maiden.
I am aware of the fire a few years ago on a cruise ship balcony that caused the Health & Safety Gestapo to salivate over yet more regulations. However, despite their best efforts, it is still not necessary to station a fireman, with his hose in his hand, next to every comfortable seat. You can now buy adjustable hardwood loungers with self-extinguishing grade covers. Obviously these days you need to get the hardwood from a sustainable source like B&Q.
Instead of extending the ship by 30 metres you should have extended it by 29.95 metres and spent the other two inches on some decent seats. It's obviously too late for this and if you're strapped for cash I have a suggestion.
Why not have sun-loungers paid for by donation with little brass plaques to commemorate passengers who have gone to that great cruise ship in the sky. Looking at the average age on this ship it will not be long before the loungers are over subscribed. Relatives will book holidays to see the plaques and can be encouraged to leave flowers which would be another commercial opportunity. The loungers are much less likely to be vandalised by meths drinking tramps than commemorative park benches, particularly if you restrict their use to Deck 8.
I hope that you will view this letter, together with my previous one on how to unblock and clean your toilet drainage system, as a genuine attempt to help you to improve your service. Coincidentally, my letter on drainage does suggest future career opportunities for your furniture procurement team.
Yours sincerely
D.A.C.
Life on Marquee Deck
There is a distinction on this deck - the Lord and Lady's accommodation and the area fro sunworshippers !! And almost never the twain shall meet !! Although there is a rumour that Lord C took a dip yesterday. He ventored amongst the seasoned sunbathers - the prunes as we call them. Some of the ladies ( and I have to say that this is mainly a female trait) lay in direct sunlight all day - turning regularly !. Some match their lipsticks to the colour of their bikinis !
Also served here is delicios ice cream - although Lord and Lady C probably have theirs served by the butler!
In the pool is where you sit and get all the ship's gossip - or urban myths. People compare their cruising experiences on this and other ships. Actually this is often very useful info
It is also the deck where Adam sita and watches the moon set and the sun rise - no he doesn't get up early to do that - he actually hasn't been to bed at that time !!
Today we are at sea and have just passed the island of Stromboli - which has an active volcano on it - we saw the gentle steam rising. Janet and I have just been to a cookery demonstration - so expect beef stroganoff next time you are invited to dinner there !!
Our phrase of the holiday has been ' How could you not like that' Said frequently as we watch the moonbeam from our favourite spot in the observatory.
A great holiday and we hope that we can do it all again
Julie and Dave
Also served here is delicios ice cream - although Lord and Lady C probably have theirs served by the butler!
In the pool is where you sit and get all the ship's gossip - or urban myths. People compare their cruising experiences on this and other ships. Actually this is often very useful info
It is also the deck where Adam sita and watches the moon set and the sun rise - no he doesn't get up early to do that - he actually hasn't been to bed at that time !!
Today we are at sea and have just passed the island of Stromboli - which has an active volcano on it - we saw the gentle steam rising. Janet and I have just been to a cookery demonstration - so expect beef stroganoff next time you are invited to dinner there !!
Our phrase of the holiday has been ' How could you not like that' Said frequently as we watch the moonbeam from our favourite spot in the observatory.
A great holiday and we hope that we can do it all again
Julie and Dave
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Near Mutiny on the Braemar
We're in Corfu today, and it's 97degrees in the shade. Not an inch of shade on our balcony, so I've been sitting in the Library for the last hour reading in the comfort of air conditioning. Dave and I decided to give Corfu Town a miss as it's so hot, and the memories of yesterday's disastrous venture into Dubrovnic are still vivid. Oh, did we not tell you about Dubrovnic? Well, briefly, we arived at noon and moored about 15 minutes drive from the old walled town, and shuttle buses had been laid on to ferry us back and forth throughout the afternoon. Well, that was the theory.
We watched from the upper decks as the throng wishing to get to town grew, and grew, and by about 12:15 there must have been 300+ people down there, getting hotter and angrier by the minute as no transport materialised. When a single coach eventually arrived there was a mass stampede towards it! Quite amusing from above, but there were lots of very cross passengers.
Dave and I decided to leave it till about 2pm, by which time there were 3 buses waiting empty on the dockside, and we had a comfortable ride into town.
However... did I say it was hot? Well, having briefly looked at Dubrovnik, which was nice but far too HOT and too many tourists, we faced a similarly long wait and chaotic scramble to get back to the ship. Mutiny was definitely in the air.
Julie and Dave, wisely, didn't even attempt to get off the ship!
Announcements onboard as we sailed away apologised profusely for the poor service (blaming the Croatians of course) and offering FREE DRINKS for everyone before dinner! Since we're on the early sitting we managed to take advantage of our own free pre-dinner drinks, and also those of secong sitting too, so we all ended up reasonably happy!
Now - back to the 5 a day theme. I am now officially the food eating champion, having managed 5 meals in one day. Breakfast, Lunch, Afternoon Tea, Dinner and Midnight Buffet!
Weight Watchers here I come.
Janet x
We watched from the upper decks as the throng wishing to get to town grew, and grew, and by about 12:15 there must have been 300+ people down there, getting hotter and angrier by the minute as no transport materialised. When a single coach eventually arrived there was a mass stampede towards it! Quite amusing from above, but there were lots of very cross passengers.
Dave and I decided to leave it till about 2pm, by which time there were 3 buses waiting empty on the dockside, and we had a comfortable ride into town.
However... did I say it was hot? Well, having briefly looked at Dubrovnik, which was nice but far too HOT and too many tourists, we faced a similarly long wait and chaotic scramble to get back to the ship. Mutiny was definitely in the air.
Julie and Dave, wisely, didn't even attempt to get off the ship!
Announcements onboard as we sailed away apologised profusely for the poor service (blaming the Croatians of course) and offering FREE DRINKS for everyone before dinner! Since we're on the early sitting we managed to take advantage of our own free pre-dinner drinks, and also those of secong sitting too, so we all ended up reasonably happy!
Now - back to the 5 a day theme. I am now officially the food eating champion, having managed 5 meals in one day. Breakfast, Lunch, Afternoon Tea, Dinner and Midnight Buffet!
Weight Watchers here I come.
Janet x
Monday, August 18, 2008
Near Death in Venice
In the early days of the home PC, when the BBC Micro was king and 32k was all the memory you could ever need, someone invented a game called Frogger. You had to hop a frog across multiple lanes of a motorway and not get squashed. Janet remembered it when we sailed into the Canale della Giudecca which is Venice's main waterway.
Different types of craft plough backwards and forwards along multiple lanes. There are the enormous cruise liners which lok like floating blocks of flats, which of course is what they are. They try not to hit anything because of the paperwork involved but they have the manoueverability of well, a block of flats. Then there are the car ferries. By tradition, at the entrance to the Canale, the captains of these ferries lash their wheels, lock their engines on full and then go below for a fag. Then there are the powerful motorboats, who do follow rules of the road. The main one seems to be that they have to keep to the right, unless they don't want to. They are all driven by young people, maybe they don't get to be old.
Venetian Frogger is played in water taxis. If you imagine a single decker bus without wheels, welded to a large baking tray, you will get a good idea of the appearance and sea-worthiness of these craft. The water taxis tack between alternate stops on each side of the Canale.
Advanced Venetian Frogger is played at night. We took the number 2, the long way, both ways, to St Mark's Square. The taxis have room for 80 seated and 100 standing, which gives them a night-time capacity of 350. We talked nervously to ease the tension, but conversations tended to towards "That bell tower looks beautiful in the moon... Christ that was close!" as another unlit, jet black car ferry full of jet black cars missed us by inches and left us bobbing in its wake. (Funny word Wake). All the taxi drivers, also remarkably young, ever did was to shove the throttle forward and look for someone else to miss.
At the end of the game we emerged shaken but still with one life left. Lager in pavement cafe near St Mark's Square £10 a pint; surviving to blog about it, priceless.
Dave C
Different types of craft plough backwards and forwards along multiple lanes. There are the enormous cruise liners which lok like floating blocks of flats, which of course is what they are. They try not to hit anything because of the paperwork involved but they have the manoueverability of well, a block of flats. Then there are the car ferries. By tradition, at the entrance to the Canale, the captains of these ferries lash their wheels, lock their engines on full and then go below for a fag. Then there are the powerful motorboats, who do follow rules of the road. The main one seems to be that they have to keep to the right, unless they don't want to. They are all driven by young people, maybe they don't get to be old.
Venetian Frogger is played in water taxis. If you imagine a single decker bus without wheels, welded to a large baking tray, you will get a good idea of the appearance and sea-worthiness of these craft. The water taxis tack between alternate stops on each side of the Canale.
Advanced Venetian Frogger is played at night. We took the number 2, the long way, both ways, to St Mark's Square. The taxis have room for 80 seated and 100 standing, which gives them a night-time capacity of 350. We talked nervously to ease the tension, but conversations tended to towards "That bell tower looks beautiful in the moon... Christ that was close!" as another unlit, jet black car ferry full of jet black cars missed us by inches and left us bobbing in its wake. (Funny word Wake). All the taxi drivers, also remarkably young, ever did was to shove the throttle forward and look for someone else to miss.
At the end of the game we emerged shaken but still with one life left. Lager in pavement cafe near St Mark's Square £10 a pint; surviving to blog about it, priceless.
Dave C
Sunday, August 17, 2008
H's Musical Extravaganza
We attended the quay side, under the watchful eye of the 'delightful' Lydia at 8-15pm, and at 8-30 proceeded to the motor launch. It was here that I met 'Pauline of Wigan' - or to be more correct, bumped into Pauline of Wigan. The impact proved to be so explosive that we became companions for the evening.
Once ensconsced aboard the said launch we continued our journey along the waterways of Venice accompanied by a courier who gave - I think - a description and history of the area, but she spoke in a dialect of Italo/Inglese with a touch of Russian cossack, so I couldn't understand a word she said !! I don't think that I was on my own - Pauline of Wigan agreed !
Having traversed the Venetian waterways we disembarked and walked alomng the various bye-ways until we arrived at our destination. This proved to be the Ca Zen - a medieval pile in the Gothic style where we were supplied with liquid refreshment- the delightful Lydia ensured that I had my full whack !!
We were then ushered into a very capacious hall in which was a very grand piano.
The owner of the palazza, a member of the Zeno family, made us welcome and gave a little talk on family history ( bet he didn't know Robert Peel (Spence) !!!!
We were then treated to a most lovely concert performed by two sporanos and three tenors together with a pianist and a violinist.
Songs and music - mainly opera arias, but quite a few others - Volari, O Sole Mio to name a few.
The programme was excellent and afterwards the delightful Lydia ensured that I had another glass of wine and had a look round the house, then we made our way home.
A good time was had by all and Pauline of Wigan like Cinderella had to be in at midnight as she had an early call.
I rounded off the evening with a little drink with J,D and J and D outside on the deck
Marvellous !!
Harold
Once ensconsced aboard the said launch we continued our journey along the waterways of Venice accompanied by a courier who gave - I think - a description and history of the area, but she spoke in a dialect of Italo/Inglese with a touch of Russian cossack, so I couldn't understand a word she said !! I don't think that I was on my own - Pauline of Wigan agreed !
Having traversed the Venetian waterways we disembarked and walked alomng the various bye-ways until we arrived at our destination. This proved to be the Ca Zen - a medieval pile in the Gothic style where we were supplied with liquid refreshment- the delightful Lydia ensured that I had my full whack !!
We were then ushered into a very capacious hall in which was a very grand piano.
The owner of the palazza, a member of the Zeno family, made us welcome and gave a little talk on family history ( bet he didn't know Robert Peel (Spence) !!!!
We were then treated to a most lovely concert performed by two sporanos and three tenors together with a pianist and a violinist.
Songs and music - mainly opera arias, but quite a few others - Volari, O Sole Mio to name a few.
The programme was excellent and afterwards the delightful Lydia ensured that I had another glass of wine and had a look round the house, then we made our way home.
A good time was had by all and Pauline of Wigan like Cinderella had to be in at midnight as she had an early call.
I rounded off the evening with a little drink with J,D and J and D outside on the deck
Marvellous !!
Harold
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Taking a Break
When I've watched the Holiday Programme on the telly I've often wondered where the presenters go for their holidays. Somewhere different I suppose. I get a vision of Judith Chalmers, on a break, chained to a wall in a dank cellar but this usually disappears when I take my pill.
Before we go on a cruise we diet for several weeks, it's like fattening yourself up for Lent, but in reverse. The eating starts when you get onboard and you only really stop when you're having a drink. Sometimes I feel like the creature in the Pacman video game endlessly trying to eat his way out of the maze. I've had smoked salmon for breakfast every day so far, so today we skipped breakfast to have a break and a nice lie in.
We were gently massaged by the mattress which vibrated to the rhythm of the ship as it ploughed its way through a choppy sea towards Venice. To save the bother of looking sidways out of the patio window, we watched the white horses on the view from the front of the ship displayed on the flat screen TV at the foot of our bed. We nibbled Belgian chocolate biscuits.
It made us realise that it is the simple things in life, like watching TV and eating biscuits in bed, that are really the most important. It helps of course if you do them on a luxury cruise ship and have a Phillipino maid to sweep up the crumbs.
Dave C
Before we go on a cruise we diet for several weeks, it's like fattening yourself up for Lent, but in reverse. The eating starts when you get onboard and you only really stop when you're having a drink. Sometimes I feel like the creature in the Pacman video game endlessly trying to eat his way out of the maze. I've had smoked salmon for breakfast every day so far, so today we skipped breakfast to have a break and a nice lie in.
We were gently massaged by the mattress which vibrated to the rhythm of the ship as it ploughed its way through a choppy sea towards Venice. To save the bother of looking sidways out of the patio window, we watched the white horses on the view from the front of the ship displayed on the flat screen TV at the foot of our bed. We nibbled Belgian chocolate biscuits.
It made us realise that it is the simple things in life, like watching TV and eating biscuits in bed, that are really the most important. It helps of course if you do them on a luxury cruise ship and have a Phillipino maid to sweep up the crumbs.
Dave C
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